What Does Your Headache Mean?

Believe it or not, headaches come from more places than just a bottle of _________ (insert your own personal poison here). Getting to know what type of headache you have can oftentimes help with the remedy. At least that’s what our witch doctor told us. Admittedly, most of us are not medical school savvy, but all of us have been hit with a pulsating in the cranium. We’re here to take a peak at the where, whys, and hows of your headache, and how to get rid of that thing.

Tension Headaches

This is a pretty common head pounder among us humans. Tension can come from many places — mom on your voicemail, mom needing computer advice, girlfriend wants you to meet her dumb friends, traffic, that damn Rubix Cube — but it all eventually can lead to the same place: your head. Most people complain that tension headaches stem from work or visiting family members, and we’re not going to argue with that data. However, many tension headaches result from you slouching like you’re sitting in 8th grade History class. The tension settles in your back, then moves to your neck. When the 4pm vodka wears off, the head will absorb the pain.

Medical Keywords Involved You Won’t Understand: Blood Flow Restriction, Nerve Ending Irritation.

Quick Fix Relief: It sounds boring, but Ibuprofen 3 or 4 at a time is the quick route to Easyville in this case.

Hangover Headache

Well, none of us have had this type of headache, now have we? This is that 7:15am ‘good morning to reality’ we’ve all been privy to. More than a few times. Like, maybe daily. This is usually accompanied with an overall gross feeling from your head down to your toes. It’s no secret what causes this: lots and lots of drinking the evening/early morning before you wake up. Some people are blessed with the ability to drink their life away and not get the dreaded head ailment. But most of us regular people hate life the day after a solid bender.

Medical Keywords Involved You Won’t Understand: Restraint.

Quick Fix Relief: Hair of the dog is easily the best remedy. Bloody Marys and Screwdrivers are the easiest to hack, but there is no wrong decision here. Except maybe Jager Bombs.

Migraine Headaches

These are the ‘chick named Natalie who kinda’ wanted to make out with you, but ended up drinking all the Cinnamon Schnapps during senior trip and called you a pillow biter in front of your entire class’ type of headaches. And it’s a recurring dream. This type of headache will steal several hours out of your day and many people are plagued by them for their entire life. The term comes from hemicrania, which is a Greek work that means "half of the head.” Some doctor somewhere said that migraines actually cover around 70% of the head. And the fact that we only use 10% of our brains means…that…um…what was the question?

Medical Keywords Involved You Won’t Understand: Trigeminal nerve. Apparently it’s in your head.

Quick Fix Relief: Hippocrates said something about vomiting easing the pain. Hmmm…drink much?

Cluster Headaches

This could be called the no afternoon headache, because it usually only hits in the morning or late at night. It is described as a vicious skull kicker and arrives with no warning — while lasting around an hour. These bastards hit mostly during Spring or Fall, so they are sometimes (wrongly) associated with allergies. Damn, we sound smart, right?  The bitch about these headaches is they truly do come in clusters. They will come and go throughout the day/week and last the same amount throughout the day. Oh yeah, and about 80% more guys get them than chicks. Yet another thing we can be pissed off about.

Medical Keywords Involved You Won’t Understand: We stopped listening when percentages entered the picture — how about you?

Quick Fix Relief: See that pub across the street from the office? One shot of whiskey and a beer every fifteen minutes. The second headache in the cluster will never arrive…

Piercing F***ing Noises Headaches

Crying babies. That’ll do it. Sitting by the speakers at a Scorpions concert could also do the trick. Loud noises can cause headaches because the vibrations are irritating to the eardrums and we learned in 5th grade Science that the eardrums are kinda’ close to the brain. Hence,headache. Not everyone gets head cramps from loud noises, but the overly sensitive peeps do (aka, pussies).

Medical Keywords Involved You Won’t Understand: Phonophobia.

Quick Fix Relief: Amitriptyline tablets (also good for depression).

Smells & Stuff Headaches

Some say that getting a headache from things like paint fumes and super glue means the medicine is working. But in reality, these headaches mean your brain is kicking a few billion cells out the back door. Luckily for most, these skull pains are fleeting and usually disappear within a few minutes. The cause can be smells, but taste has been known to also play a role in these type of headaches. Allergies can be to blame in some cases, but anyone can be affected on any given day. Unless you don’t have a brain. Which if you are reading this…

Medical Keywords Involved You Won’t Understand: Sniffingglueitus

Quick Fix Relief: Fresh air and water will kill it fairly quickly.

Rebound Headaches

This is usually a daily headache. Otherwise known as your job and mundane life. Seriously, though, people do suffer from these daily pounders and they are often caused from taking too much medication to relieve — wait for it — headaches. It’s the Catch 22 of head pain. These are most closely related to migraines and tension headaches not properly diagnosed, and that are being treated by taking ‘regular’ headache medicine. They unfortunately never get completely squashed. This migraine relative will not be as severe as normal, but the resulting rebound will still be a pain in your ass…er, head.

Is Marriage Good or Bad for Your Health?

The short answer is that it depends. The long answer is coming up after this sentence. The National Institutive of Health has funded a study called the Early Years of Marriage (EYM) to study the what happens to the bodies and minds of newly-married couples as they make their way through the early years of their union. 

How much sex did they have? How good was it? What health problems cropped up, for whom, and at what times? They’ve been following these couples for over a quarter of a century and the data is out. And, it turns out, if you want to live forever, you better make sure your marriage is happy. 

Dr. Terri Orbuch, the director of the EYM, has distilled the data from these 25 years of experience into some helpful tips to keep you and your partner happy, healthy, and frisky for years to come. 

• Don’t shy away from conflict. Couples who reported that they "never disagree" about 6 topics–money, own family, spouse’s family, leisure time, religious beliefs, and children–were less happy over time than couples who reported conflict. Health tip: Ignoring conflict causes toxic emotions to build up, leading to serious health problems like hypertension. 
  Made Man Tip:  If something is bothering you, get it off your chest. Disagreeing isn’t arguing. Just make sure you don’t become unreasonable or too-loud in your discussion.

• Keep relationship talk to a minimum. Happily married couples spend little time in conscious relationship maintenance or talk. Husbands, in particular, are more likely to be unhappy if there’s frequent relationship talk, which they associate with marital problems. Health tip: Be more empathetic and less analytical with your spouse. Mutual empathy promotes calmness, which leads to better sleep and less illness. 
  Made Man Tip: Subscribe to a newspaper, get a membership at a museum, or commit to seeing one new movie a week so you’ve got something current and/or artistic to talk about. That way you won’t have to hem and haw about how she never closes the bathroom door all the way when she pees.

• Affirm your partner often. A whopping 74 percent of the happy couples said their spouses "often" made them feel good about the kind of person they are (as opposed to 27 percent of moderately happy or unhappy couples). Health tip: Frequently tell and show your partner that you like and admire him or her. Partners who feel well-loved and secure have less depression. 
  Made Man Tip: Physical manifestations of this work, too. Our favorite, of course, is grabbing a little caboose. 

• Focus on good sex, not lots of it. In a surprising finding, 75 percent of happy couples said they were satisfied with their sex life, even though sex became less frequent over time. Eight out of 10 couples reported sex was as good as or better than when they first met. Health tip: Learn to satisfy each other in bed. Good sex balances mood, reduces menopausal symptoms, and lowers the risk of several cancers in both genders. 
  Made Man Tip: Here’s all you need to know about good sex: What to eat for better sex, how the rich have sex, having sex on drugs, and sex myths you shouldn’t believe.

• Live in peace with in-laws. When a spouse doesn’t get along with his or her partner’s family, it erodes happiness in the marriage. Among happy couples, both wives and husbands got along with their in-laws. Health tip: Patching up your in-law relationships reduces marital stress, and less stress fortifies the immune system.
  Made Man Tip: This one is a coin flip. When we asked everybody in our office if they gave a sh*t what the in-laws thought, the vote was split. 

Dont be a Workaholic

There’s two types of workaholics out there. The first is the workaholic too socially terrified to approach the natural world and, therefore, subsequently insistent on submerging themselves in a pile of to-do’s. The second is the workaholic so genuinely infatuated with the literal work at hand, the act of achieving, the process of making money, that he can barely eat, sleep and socialize on a regular basis, let alone roll out to the bar and manage to get laid. And unless you’ve magically learned to balance this work fetish with calm and centeredness (i.e. living in some remote Italian villa on the Amalfi Coast while making millions working out of home), you’re probably really stressed out right now.

Step One: Sleep – Somehow

Getting good sleep is no joke – it couldn’t be more necessary. Oftentimes people in high-stress environments pursuing extremely ambitious careers feel superior to sleep and the importance of a regular sleep schedule. Ultimately, this always ends poorly. Sleep expert David F. Dinges, Ph.D., of the Division of Sleep and Chronobiology and Department of Psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine cites "apathy, slowed speech and flattened emotional responses, impaired memory and an inability to be novel or multitask," as common symptoms of unhealthy sleep patterns. So while it may seem as though you are conquering the world by denying yourself sweet dreams, be ware that you may slip into temporary lunacy during your pitch meeting and wish you had chosen to do otherwise.

Step Two: Wake Up with Intention

Most of us throw ourselves from the mattress, to the coffee maker, to the shower, to the car door, to the desk. The problem here is that we begin our day without any sort of conscious direction, which is key to an ability to remain relaxed in the face of deadlines, surmounting projects and potential plans. So, upon flipping back those eyelids, take a simple one or two minutes to do a brief meditation. Whether this means looking out the window and internally whispering words of positivity, having your coffee in the garden, or reading the comic strip in the morning paper, this moment will encourage your body to stay alert to the human in you, instead of the tireless machine you’ve taught it to become.

Step Three: Travel – Whenever

I know you’re rolling your eyes already. You’re thinking, there’s barely time as it is even to brush your teeth, but traveling is worth making more time. If you don’t allow yourself to broaden your scope of thought and move beyond the office space and computer screen, you will never escape the circular pattern of work, work and more work. Something as simple as weekend trips to nearby sights or something as well deserved as an exotic trek through the African countryside will refresh, revitalize and remind you that life is about more than transactions and telephones.

Step Four – Allow Healthy Isolation

Speaking of telephones, shut them off. Now you’re really rolling your eyes, I know. But, even if just for five minutes a day, it is essential to throw your iPhone into a drawer somewhere and recollect your senses. Take a walk around the block, lay back and shut your eyes, meditate through deep breathing. Five minutes is enough. Swami Kriyananda, a direct disciple of the yogi Paramahansa Yogananda, encourages everyone to establish a connection with such practices in order to revitalize their whole beings. "Meditation is more than a practice conducted at specific times of the day. It is a habit of mind, a way of life," says Kriyananda. The idea here is that in time your body will not even necessarily need the meditation in order to feel relaxed. You’ll have created the inner habit and will therefore be able to maintain calm even in the midst of ten meetings, managers and more work to do.

Step Five – Have Sex – Always

We all know sex feels fantastic, but it always happens to do fantastic things for our inner beings. Upon orgasm, a chemical called DHEA is released which Dr. Theresa Crenshaw, author of Alchemy of Love and Lust, declares may be the most powerful in the relationship between physical and personal feelings of goodness. working to "balance the immune system, improves cognition, promotes bone growth, and maintains and repairs tissues, keeping your skin healthy." Between DHEA and Oxytocin (another chemical released which floods the body with endorphins i.e. bliss), having a healthy sex life should be a number one priority to a stressed made man.