Life is shit
And it hurts
The pain is so unbelievably deep
That I don’t know how of rid my tears
Of what my heart is going through.
Life is shit
But I’ve been through it before
So why haven’t I learned
That I am no one’s somebody
He says don’t worry
You’re beautiful and that someone out there wants you
It’s just not me
But how does he know that
I’m not meant to be alone
Because it seems that I know that I’m not meant to be with someone
And what about her?
She would die if she knew I dreamt about her
Life is shit
Because I can’t make up my mind about who I am going to love
Though it should make no difference
Because no one loves me.
My life has been shit
Because he told me loved me then he turned around
Got on top of me and ruined my life
My life is shit
Because he took her away from me
The one person
Who I prayed to him about
The person
Who made me realize that I am someone special
He took her away
And now he wants to take everything away
My dignity, my loves that don’t exist
My life
But I’m not ready to die
But my heart is ready
And has been for some time
It has died so many times before
Why not again?
It’s not as if I did not expect to get hurt this summer
It was something that was destined to happen
I get hurt wherever I go
And I always find someone like you
Who just wants to turn me away
And you said you were always the one that was rejected
Well good for you
Now you get to do the rejecting
It must make you feel just great
But I know that it doesn’t
You told me that this also hurt you
But am I wrong to think that you could not possibly understand my pain in this situation?
Life is shit
Because it always gets you from behind and stabs you in the back
Life is not worth it
If I keep getting hurt
I always say
This time it’s different
This time he really does like me
But all those times and this time
They all end the same
He rejects
And turns away
I cry
He asks why
And I try to explain
That I have never been the one
To go to the movies
I’ve always been the class joke
The one to point at and laugh at
The one that people dared other people to ask out
I’ve been the class outcast
But I’ve never been the Eliza Doolittle
I’ve never been admired from afar, or from up close either
I’m no one
They told me before
Why didn’t I listen?
I didn’t listen because I had dreams
I had dreams of being chosen among all of them
I had dreams that I was beautiful
I had dreams that I didn’t know what it was to cry or to feel the pain
That can only be seen or felt by the edge a razor against my smooth skin
I've loved so many
And I’ll love many more
But they will never love me back
Why can’t I be adored just once in my life
Just once
It’s not really all that much to ask for
I could have loved him
I could have been loyal
I could have loved him even from so far away
But he could never have loved me
Not even just for a second
So why did I even dream that he could?
Life is shit
Because I could love her
But she
Could never love me
Life is shit
Because
Who I love will lead me to trouble
My friends will leave
They will think I dream about them
What little they know about me.
Life is shit
Because I yearn to feel the blood drip down my arm again
I yearn to yell and scream at the world
Why is my life just one big nothing?
Why can’t I be loved too?
Why me?
I had dreams
You don’t think I didn’t dream of being a star
Of singing to the world
Or sharing my passions with the world
I guess not huh?
I wanted the money, the glory, and the spotlight
I wanted it all
What is it all?
Is it love, and trust and family
Love?
Well I don’t have that
Trust?
Sometimes
Family?
One that supports me?
I have half of one
Happiness?
I did
You made me happy
I smiled so much
The first time in a long time
But you have taken that away now
And I don’t know how to get it back
Maybe I want to see you
And think of turning away
But you’ll stop me
And take me in you arms
And tell me that you do love me
Just not like that
You’ll hug me
And say that everything will be alright
You’ll still wave at me
And I will know that I can be happy again
But are those realistic dreams?
Are you a realistic friend?
One that I can always count on?
You say that you are
But I haven’t felt that warmth yet
That embrace
That seals the deal
Please
Be there for me
When times
Are low
Even when
You’re far away
Be there
That way I’ll know that I can be happy again
Life is shit
Because I don’t trust myself to give this to you
So you will know how I feel
Because I don’t want to scare you off again
Because you are so important to me
And I know that I am nothing to you
Life is shit
Because after four pages of this poem
I still cry.
I cry tears that
I didn’t know existed
I cry tears that have been waiting for seventeen long and painful years
Life is shit
Because no one understands
The pressures that I feel
The stress
That goes along
With being
A semi closeted
Bisexual
Life is shit
Because I don’t even understand
The pressures and the stress that lay before me
Because of the lifestyle choice that I have maid
Life is shit
Because I never listen
I never give up
I always push too hard
I pushed too hard this time
And I pushed you away
They say don’t look back
But I know what lies ahead
And I would rather look back than look to a dreary future
I would rather fall in love thousands of times
And not be loved back than to not love at all
Life is shit
Because after five pages of this poem
I still cry.
And I still yell and I still want to be mad at you
But how could I ever be really mad at you
I don’t know how I ever was
Life is shit
Because I cant find another word
One that is more suitable
One that’s not so offensive
But life is offensive
And throws punches at you when you are not ready
So what do I do now?
Do I just go on with my life and pretend
That none of this happened?
Do I hide away my tears so no one sees them so you don’t see them
Or do I weep openly in you arms?
I’ve waited so long to find someone life you
And I can’t let you go
Even when I think that letting you go will let me off the hook with all this hurt and pain
Life sucks
Is that a better word
I don’t know
You tell me
Life sucks
Because it always has
And I don’t know how to get it to not
Suck
Life is life
It hands you what you need to be handed
But did I really need to be handed
This?
Did I?
Really?
Well I don’t agree
I don’t think
That I had to have all of this hurt in my life
A little bit?
Sure
That’s ok
But this much
Over and over and over again?
No one should ever have to go through that
I shouldn't have had to go through that
Life is shit
Because after six pages
I cant seem to end this damn poem
Life is shit
Because after six pages
I still cry.
A mountain that falleth is shattered,
And a rock is removed from its place;
The waters do wear away stones,
Its floods sweep the earth's dust away
And the hope of frail man thou destroyest.
Thou subdu'st him for aye, and he goes;
Marring his face thou rejectest him.
